REASONS FOR CHOOSING A SPOUSE TO BE MARRIED
by: ahmad lizamuddin
Choosing a spouse is not like buying some fruit in the market where the quality is known in the short time. There are many causes which can make a couple love each other. One example, some women want to get married with old guys because of sincere love. Otherwise, they loves the guys because of “money”.
In Islamic rabbinic, there is a hadith that mentions to find a spouse based on the beauty, wealth, religion, family descent, etc. In this opportunity, the common reasons that lead people to find spouse are discussed.
First, first a couple loves each other very much. At first glance, it is very simple. In fact, it is very important to have a love feeling toward someone. Loving each other is the basic thing in order that a couple to be able to live happily. It is impossible that people get married without love. They will always get pressure in their daily life. It used to occur a long time ago in traditional ways when parents “arranged” their children’s marriage with their choices and they do not love each other. Then, in the middle of their lives, they got divorced. Avoiding this problem, people should think longer to get married without love.
Second, background similarity is the next reason. it is also very important. A couple will not be able to live together because they have different backgrounds. For example, a guy who graduates from an undergraduate university should marry with a girl who has same education background. It is impossible thing if they have different level of education background. Certainly, there will be no same understanding between them in all aspects. Even, it affects the way of thinking in daily life. So, the urgency for going to get married with a girl with a similar background in order to have similar ways of thinking should be paid more attention. But, it is not a permanent rule because there are some couples who can survive with dissimilarity background.
Third, one thing that cannot be neglected is “money”. What mady jane mentioned in her song, price tag (money can’t buy us happines) is not appropriate with a real condition for marriage problems. Recently, we know some public figures who are exposed in mass media. For instances, we are familiar with one of our minister on SBY’s cabinet can have a much younger wife than his age. Do you still think they married with love? Then, some other politicians also show a clear proof that with their “money” they can get what they want. Luthfi hasan ishaq, former president of PKS, and his colleague, ahmad fathonah are the examples. Both of them show their arrogance with their “money”. On television broadcasting is still aired the same problem with eyang subur as the “actor”. How the hell a fucking old guy can have many wives? Another example is a couple that is nazar and muzdalifa. Does love still become the reason for their marriage?
What I am going to analyze deeper here is the third reason for marriage which is very crucial. The aforementioned examples are some real evidences that drive many people into wrong understanding of marriage concept. In general, marriage is supposed to build a couple that will walk together during this life. For religious point of view, a marriage is a sacred ritual which relates to god’s blessing as the goal. But, what the people do is meant as “halal prostitution” by me. Why I am able to simplify these as halal prostitution? Let’s think more deeply! Logically, if there is a widower like our minister wants to get married with religion as the reason, he should find a wife with the same background as his, a widow too. Maybe he can choose a girl with the same age as his. In fact, he has chosen his wife who is still young. Other figures like fathonah, luthfi, and muzdalifah are the same. They have offered their own spouse“money” as the facility that causes most people fixated. Prostitutes will do anything if the customers have enough money as the propaganda. The difference here is only the way the people take that uses religious ritual to cover what they do. That’s why I call this phenomenon as “halal prostitution”.
In conclusion, an ideal marriage is built by love basically. Other reasons are the supplements that cause the couple’s life to be “healthier”. With love, a couple will sincerely stay on promises they have dealt (in aqad). So, husband and wife will survive together to build family prosperity even starting from “zero”. Again I state that what reason (motivation) to choose a spouse is very urgent that determines a happy marriage. Finally, I hope that with your choice you can live in a family happily everlastingly.
But, I want to invite you all, who are still struggling to get a spouse, let’s say loudly
“IF YOU ARE ABSENT DURING MY STRUGGLE, DO NOT EXPECT TO BE PRESENT DURING MY SUCCESS!!!”
“IF SOMEONE IS ABSENT DURING OUR STRUGGLE, HE/SHE IS NOT ALLOWED EXPECT TO BE PRESENT DURING OUR SUCCESS!!!”